10. Outcome

In the end, I got a good mark (7,95) but a bit lower than what I though I'd get. My final position was 63rd, tied with two more people. I think it must have been around 190 people who have passed the exam and a bit more than 200 people who haven't.

What have I learnt from this experience? Many things. First of all, it doesn't matter whether I get obsessed with English or study relaxedly, I'll get more or less the same mark. Then, the relaxed way seems to be clearly a better option. Secondly, marks are not important, but getting the passing mark. From now on, I'll have to keep this rule in mind, forgetting about competition. Thirdly, there are many people who know a lot about English. People who lived abroad many years and came back to become a teacher is an example of this. I learnt that I can't compare myself with those people. Finally, I have to celebrate my achievements when they arrive after a long period, because nobody will do that for me if I don't.

Tomorrow, I'll be given kind of a tour around the place where I'm going to attend for several years -I hope so- and next Monday is supposed to be the first day of class. So, to give sort of a conclusion, I have to forget about the results -which are not going to change- and enjoy this new stage of my life.

9. Excitement

I'm glad to tell all my readers that my English entrance classes at Joaquín V. González institute have already begun! And let me also tell you that I'm doing it as well as I thought I'd do it! The level of English that I found among my classmates is higher than expected, which makes me feel excited about the competition that will happen in a couple of weeks (the entrance examination), in which a few of us will succeed and many of us won't. Why do I say this? Because we've been told that only 220 or at most 230 applicants are going to enter the university, regardless of the quantity of examinees taking the exam. The passing mark is 6. My best mark doing mock exams was 9,15. I have a huge edge there to relax. However, I'm studying a lot, being obsessive as hell just to get the first place in the competition. I probably won't because there are some students who are not attending to this entrance course as they don't need it, they are extremely good at English. Those are my main preventers. Anyhow, I'll do my best and get the best position I can. All this situation brought back my enthusiasm for the study of English and English itself.

8. Singleness

As I've said it before, our lives go through different processes, and beyond the fact that you like it or not, they're gonna happen and you just need to let them flow. If you read my entries in a chronological order, you'll not be able to notice the logic they follow. Indeed, I'm not quite sure if they follow any sort of logic.

This paragraph was not planned to be written, but it's necessary now that a long time has happened since I've started to write this entry. To clarify this, I began to write this entry about two months ago more or less, moment in which precisely I was going through one of the processes aforementioned, in the middle of a learning process. To be honest, I'm not sure what I was planning to write but what I can tell you about my singleness today is still interesting.

There's no much to say about what I've learnt from my singleness, in fact there are very few things to mention. Nevertheless, all of them are really interesting to me. Firstly, I've learnt that love can take many shapes. Yes, love can take so many shapes. So many that any type of love should amaze. Secondly: nobody should criticize the way you love every person in your life. It's your life, you choose how to love! And this is significantly important, because way too many people fail to understand this point...Third and lastly, singleness has its good side. It is the moment in which you realize you can always come back to a point you never thought you'd come back again. And this is not too bad, even though it supposes that you've just broken up or been dumped. This is the time to demonstrate yourself that you can achieve everything you have in mind. There are no bounds, but just when you believe in yourself.

7. Nothingness

We are all trapped in our own bodies. Nothing could be any simpler than that. We are all trapped in our own bodies. Again, our problems chase anybody else but us. There's nothing we can do to avoid living this way. Friendship, arguments, love, hate. Everything will eventually melt and liquefy to recompose again and pulverize itself again and again...

We know most of the circular processes that occur in life. But there are a few that seem to go unnoticed: nobody will care if you don't care your own loneliness. There's no worse idea than secluding yourself when going through bad feelings. I learnt that some time ago and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Loneliness gives you nothing but loneliness itself, with some silence, and another bit of your own thoughts. There's nobody to share your stuff with. Therein lies the idea of nothingness.

6. Loneliness

There's something that I have noticed and understood so long ago, yet I still have some difficulties in accepting it. It is the fact that we are alone. There can be a million people caring about you, your problems and fears. However, when everything goes to the ultimate point of a problem, to the extreme, one has to fight with one's own problems because nobody is going to be always there for you. And, in a way, it is good that it is that way. But, there are some times that the situation overwhelms you. Our minds are not prepared for all the possible problems. How to confront those ones? Better yet: how to heal your mind and heart? I cannot find any other answer to this question than the one I've found in the past, being something that I still feel quite heartbreaking: TIME. It's something that I knew before, but now I understand it better. Just let time pass.

5. Fluctuation

Everything in this life is a permanent fluctuation. Pretty obvious, isn't it? What is okay today, can be bad tomorrow and vice versa. But, what is absolutely fantastic is that, despite the fact that everybody knows this statement is true, many people tend to complain about unfavourable changes, blaming bad luck or something/somebody else.
Money, people in our lives, jobs, interests, points of view, our feelings for a particular person...everything flows, changes! This could make a problem arise with people who need to have everything under control. How do I know it? Because I used to be one of those people. If that's your position on this matter, I mean, you need to have everything under control, I think you should change it or, leastways, balance it with the opposite.
What I'm trying to conclude is that we have no way to let things stay the way they are now. Good if you don't like them, sad if you like them. And even though they are clearly more stable situations that seem to last forever (and probably they could), you'll find something different throughout its duration.

4. Routine

This topic is probably very hackneyed, but it never hurts to fall into a little repetition as long as it lets us think about profound ideas.
When I was 20, I'd think that it was possible to talk about successful routines. Today, I'm sure it's not. It is sort of a contradiction, don't you think? Put it this way: people try to avoid repetition, nobody likes repetition, there's no need for repetition, imagine yourself reading a text with much repetition. Isn't it annoying? Did you notice the problem? It is repulsive.
Routines make you feel locked, blocked, unhappy. Everybody needs something different from time to time, to feel that your routine/s is/are not your whole life.
However, we need routines. They are useful to put us in some order. Okay, this is boring. I promise that my next entry will be about something so much fun! See you!

3. Resilience

Everyone, at least once in one's lifetime, shall go through periods of anguish, depression, regret, disappointment of oneself and, of course, very difficult situations that produce all the feelings aforesaid. However, what not we all have is the capacity to endure any situation. Ergo, they fall in some of those feelings. How to manage to face tough situations? If that question were easy to be answered, many psychological problems could be avoided. My experience has shown me so far that you must work hard on your problems, never avoid them, never pretend they don't exist, never postpone them. Embrace them and let them embrace you. Of course you can feel anger and exhaustion because of repeated problems, I mean problems that seem to never end.

On the other hand, every person has their own degree of tolerance, so it is possible to fall into depression or just cry, depending on that.

Just one last thing: this is my advice for those who are going through a difficult situation: surround yourself with people who make you feel happy, avoid negative or nervous people. That's the best way to recover quicker.

2. Maturity

Please, don't take it too literally, but I feel I'm reaching a point in my life in which I'm more connected with my emotions, I smile a lot, I cry whenever I feel the need, this is to say, I think I'm slowly reaching some kind of maturity. In general, tears aren't of sorrow, but of emotion. I love more things and more intensely. I speak to people much more politely and I am more reflective.
There's something going on with my feelings, my emotions and the connection between them that is new. I'm taking my projects in a very relaxed way. However, that doesn't mean I'm not taking them seriously. I really think this is the way to succeed.
One of the most difficult things for the human being to get is balance. Why? Because it's a mature idea, it is hard to arrive at it. I've been looking for it for so long. Notice that I said "have" and not "had". This is because I'm still searching... this is only the beginning...
Yesterday in my English class we talked about personality. Let me tell you that it was very opportune! The thing that caught my attention best was these opposite behaviours at the moment of taking decisions: thinker - feeler, and here's the question that I'd really like it to be answered by my readers: Are you a thinker, a feeler or are you balanced? slightly thinker? slightly feeler? I won't tell you which type I am till I read AT LEAST three readers' personalities! See you.

1. Plenitude

You must have noticed that there's a "1." at the beginning of the title, even though I had asked you on the prologue not to take the entries like chapters following a story but the whole blog the same way you'd take everybody else's. I still think the same way. The number you'll find at the beginning of every chapter is just a personal guide that will just help me know where I am situated since I changed my mind about the things I want to write about on my blog. So, this is ONE: now let's go to Plenitude!

How does it feel to have experienced everything you always wanted to? Don't ask me, I haven't had that luck so far! That situation could be called «plenitude», couldn't it? But, trying to look on the bright side of it, we could also say that what we have, what we are and what we have experienced until today is the only thing that matters. Well, unfortunately as you may remember, I'm not the most optimistic person in the world and I don't think it's quite simple like that.

To feel plenary, one ought to achieve all the goals one has set for oneself. So far-fetched, isn't it? Now think about the opposite situation: you haven't achieved everything you always wanted to, so there's a remaining objective (at least), or more...That/Those goal(s) you couldn't achieve may chase you all day long, all night long, depending on how obsessed you are with these things. I must admit I am a person living with all these things in mind. It's not funny. I'm working on trying to liberate myself from my strictness. Does anyone ever achieve everything, feel plenary? Is it possible that stage in only a lifetime? Don't you think life's so short? I think not. Life lasts what it has to. Do you feel plenary...?

Renewal

From today onwards, this blog is not going to focus on a specific topic but on what I feel to express day by day, week after week. That's why Renewal is neither just a new chapter of this blog -since the title of it is completely different- nor the first chapter of What's next?. Renewal is just the zeroth chapter, in fact, a prologue. After this short explanation, let's move on to it.

Prologue

To begin with, I want to clear that my idea is to talk about so many different things, so you may find no connection point among all the entries. So please, don't take them like chapters following a story. Take the whole blog the same way you'd take everybody else's.

Now, let's speak about what I think this renewal means to me. I regard myself as a pursuer of felicity, who needs to express his feelings and put his yearnings in writing. Before, when I wrote about My likes and dislikes about living in Buenos Aires, I felt a definite bound that hindered me from talking about a great number of things I wanted to. This proposal looks clearly more open, than the previous one since it has no fixed topic.

Everything in this new stage will be discussed. Not only do I want to communicate all my longings, but I also want my readers to be part of this. I'd really appreciate participation.

Gradually changing my style

According to my needs, I've decided to change little by little the topic. This is because, although Buenos Aires may have good and weak points to point out, after a few posts, all this thing becomes repetitive.
Today I feel like talking about my future with English. About an hour ago, I went for the very first time to my future English teacher training college. In reality, I think it'd be proper to say institute, since in Spanish that place is called "Instituto Superior del Profesorado Joaquín V. González". This is the website link for you to take a look at it: http://institutojvgonzalez.buenosaires.edu.ar/
I'm very eager to start my English studies!!! Regardless of my enthusiasm, I feel a dichotomy between having an intensive course and staying on a regular one.
I'm just a consequence of society's anxiety. Everything in Buenos Aires is done too fast, our lives are like that, traffic is like that, everything's like that...what should I do? I think I'll ask every English teacher I bump into until the moment of a final decision arrives.

This entry was pretty short compared to the previous ones, but there's nothing else I want to say. Ready for new topics? See you next time!

Porteños: Polite people?

Sometimes, Porteños might look like very educated and hard-working people but...is this really true?
Imagine a world where bus drivers explain to you in the kindest way how to get somewhere or underground ticket sellers grinning at you while you charge your SUBE card. That's something that I swear I can't even try to do it.
Everybody is supposed to be polite and kind, that's perfectly understandable. However, when you receive this kind of reaction from almost every person you see a day, your politeness becomes sourer and sourer, taking practically no notice of it.
So, are the Argentines trying to pretend they are correct people when they aren't? I believe that there are two different types of people: the ones who pretend because they know they shouldn't be rude, and the ones who don't care at all about that. Of course, there are some exceptions: I could mention a third group, but it is so small that I'm not going to talk about them, you know, in order to follow my pessimistic style.
In my opinion, it's preferable people pretending to be polite instead of people shouting or being rude for nothing. This doesn't mean I expect to receive hypocrisy, but I'm trying to express what I feel less rude.
If everybody let our feelings go out with no reservation, we all would be like in a mental home, acting like crazy people or wild animals. Now, since this time I don't want to give a boring conclusion, it's time for me to ask you: which kind of person do you prefer meeting?

Sorry, maybe you can notice that my writing quality is getting poorer. Keep in mind that I only have time to write my blog entries while I work, so I can't pay full attention to this. In fact, this topic is starting to bore me.

Every working day I'm on the run

Let me tell you that living in Buenos Aires is more or less like this (now I'll describe a random working-day morning of mine): firstly, the alarm goes off early (let's say 7 o'clock, which is pretty early to me), secondly I have my first (and useless) attempt to get up. Then, my second attempt at it, and I succeed. However, it happens at 7.20. Anyway... then, I get dressed and start making my breakfast and serving some food to my cat, all that in very few minutes because I'm really not interested either in having my breakfast in 3 minutes or in eating on the bus. Finally, what happens is that, most of the times, I do eat something on the bus. And I hate it.
Okay. At this point, I'm ready to go out. This is not over yet. Now, we still have the adorable commuting...there are only two buses that leave me near my workplace: 152 and 68. 152 leaves me only 2 blocks away, whereas 68 leaves me almost 5 blocks away. Nevertheless, 68 is much more frequent than 152. Do you think it's a good experience? I think you know it's not. The bus I take (whichever it is), like all of them, is completely crowded, so everyone has to occupy a very small space, accept the shoves without saying anything and, in spite of all the efforts, you still get to work late...I can't blame the traffic, I know I should wake up even earlier (which would make me feel as if I were a zombie), or maybe do all what I mentioned before faster. Anyway, I'm not worried about this, because we, the Argentines, are very famous for being always on the run and staying up really late. So, considering that, I'm just like everyone else. That's the system. That's Buenos Aires way of life.

After the storm, the smiley sun

As I don't want my readers to think I'm a complete pessimist, this entry will be different. Let's talk about some cultural activities that Buenos Aires offers: last Saturday I strolled with a friend around Microcentro, and we fortunately spotted a stage at one side of Plaza de Mayo where a rock band was playing what I consider good music. It turned out that they belonged to the Scottish community in Argentina, something that I figured out right after seeing knee-length skirts worn by the men who integrated the band. It was a pity that I couldn't hear the Facebook that the singer announced to promote his group. After that show, another one started. They were 7 girls and a boy from the Irish community and they performed a typical dance. After that, we enjoyed Puerto Madero's view until sunset.
When you think of free activities in Buenos Aires, you gladly realize that there are so many interesting things to do. And, since I'm content because of all this I'm telling, I'm going to write down some activities that Buenos Aires offers:
BAFICI, in April. It's a widely known film festival. The movies are generally directed by indie directors, making them have a particular style, kind of intellectual ones.
Museum Night, in November. You can choose among no fewer than 200 museums to visit. Of course, you can't visit more than 3 museums if your idea is to stay in each one for some reasonable time.
Not to mention the great number of dancing clubs that Buenos Aires has, with incredibly different kinds of music, styles and tastes: The Roxy with rock and roll or Crobar with electronic music, dance, 80's, hip hop, choose whichever you like best.
I could stay longer, mentioning more and more cultural offerings of Buenos Aires, but I'm really eager to finish this, and I don't want you to get used to me being soooo upbeat. Then, enjoy this one haha.

Let's get serious for a moment

Today, Buenos Aires was hit by transport strike, a measure that is becoming more and more frequent as time goes by. I'm not fully informed to express an opinion about this situation and I don't care, because if I were, nobody would care what I think, in fact, nobody cares about other people's opinions. Everyone has their only truths, and nobody wants to hear others' opinions. That's the way the porteños think. There are always so many people in the middle of this confrontation between the government and some unions and nearly always they are affected because they can't arrived at their workplaces. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about this: something, that I'm not completely sure what it is, annoys me. Maybe it's the egoism, the dissembled violence behind these acts or the media trying to make us believe that the Argentines are very devoted to work. Let's not lie to ourselves anymore. NOBODY LIKES TO WORK!!! I hate working and I'm not afraid to admit it. What are the pros of working? Er...nope, there's no bright side to look on about working. Oh yep! The salary. Well, in fact, that's necessary to eat. But if you didn't need your salary, you would certainly not work. What's the point of wasting such quantity of hours a day doing something completely repetitive, boring and useless for your life? I think that I have clearer the part I like about transport strikes, though I'm missing the point of this entry.
Coming back to the first point, this strike is generating transport chaos at some places of the city, as if more chaos were necessary. Gov't telling lies, the opposition telling lies, people distrusting both parts, making them be divided by something nobody understands...it's pathetic and sad. Nothing is gonna change until this presidential term is over.
To give a humble conclusion, it seems that our only "solution" is still waiting and praying for something better. This is something that clearly can't satisfy anyone.
It's probably a sad conclusion, and I wouldn't like to leave this entry in such an awful way, but I'm running out of ideas and I can't see how to cheer ourselves up.

My dear Buenos Aires

First of all, I'm gonna introduce myself: I'm Silvio Llorens, aged 26, and I'm from Buenos Aires, Argentina. Yeah, I'm a porteño from my first day of life. Then, why am I writting in English? Because I like it better, just that. First question: What is it all about? On this blog you'll find all the things I like best and least about living in Buenos Aires, my points of view, my thoughts. Second question: How often will the entries take place? As often as I feel the need. Third and last question: Why this topic? I think I have a lot of things to say about the city where I live. Its pros and cons, its good and bad days, its weather, its people, its "rules"... Okay. After introducing my main ideas to you, let's get started: Living in Buenos Aires can be really tough for somebody who isn't used to it. I don't mean people staying for a short period of time like 1 or 2 months, but longer. And I can say that just by thinking of myself in situations such as being robbed right after having left home or having to wait half an hour to get a bus at midnight. Nevertheless, living in Buenos Aires can be a really good experience too: night outs are longer than in other countries, parties are really fun and since you are used to the far-reaching bad mood and even moody people, when you find a smile on a person who is working, let's say, as a seller (which is clearly not the funniest job), you feel amazed! Sometimes people can surprise you! To sum up, most of the time, I complain about Argentines' behaviour, and that's a good reason to begin to write this blog. In this way I can avoid annoying the people I'm surrounded by.